Follow You Down by Ripley Proserpina

Author:Ripley Proserpina [Proserpina, Ripley]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2024-03-08T00:00:00+00:00

40

Susanna

I got all the way inside the house and into the shower before I started crying. It was ugly. Snot. Sobs. Big hiccups that ended in choking on my spit.

I was so fucking mad.

Apparently it was fine if Jordan called me a cunt, but God forbid I stand up for myself. And I wasn't even standing up for myself, but him!

Like a lot of things in my life, it was a lesson.

A tough one, but I got it. My help wasn't appreciated, or needed. I should stick to fighting my own battles.

I probably wouldn't, though. Since Wyatt died, I stuck my nose into a lot of places it didn't belong. At the back of my mind was always—what might have happened if someone had made Nate's dad their business? Or if I'd been harsher—argued more and made him see what I saw.

I had buckets of regrets and tonight, I was drowning in them.

Standing under the spray of water, I let myself go and felt really sorry for myself. For everything I lost, and everything I gave up, being misunderstood, and hurt and so fucking lonely.

It wasn't until the water went cold and shivers racked my entire body that I got out. I wrapped my towel around myself, dripping water on the floor and walked down the hall and into my room.

The bags Jilly and I unpacked were in there, and I stared at the mess. Earlier, it hadn't bothered me, but now it served as a reminder of taking one step forward and two back. Bending over, I tucked my towel under my armpits and shoved the rest of the junk back into the bag. Then I grabbed a sketch book off my bureau along with a box of pencils and fell onto the bed.

My hand moved like it wasn't connected to my brain. The picture took shape as I shaded the chin and eyes and smirk.

Katelyn in all her meanness.

I ripped it off the book and started again, narrowed eyes, wrinkled nose, mouth open to form the word cunt. Jordan.

It took the sting away, sketching the hurts.

Troy was the last one I did. I shaded grooves near his mouth, and that gaze that was so certain I was in the wrong.

Unlike Katelyn and Jordan, though, this one didn't take away the pain of being disbelieved, and worse—not respected enough to be listened to.

I flung the book away, not wanting to look at his face any longer. Moments earlier, he'd stared at me like I meant something. What a quick turnaround.

Dressing took minutes. I let my hair hang down, dripping onto the shoulders of the flannel shirt I put on. I shoved my legs into cut-off shorts and grabbed the sketches to throw away.

The house was too empty without Nate. Even if he was ignoring me, his footsteps filled the house. I missed the way he pounded down the stairs and shook the place. Tonight, his absence seemed like a harbinger of my future lonely life.

I sniffed, tears threatening again.

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